Fire your therapist and don’t feel bad about it.
We fire all kinds of services in our life, bur for some reason, you have never though to fire your therapist. Have you ever thought, “I’m not sure if therapy is helping,” or “I don’t feel safe enough in therapy, to be honest, but I know I need help” or “My therapist is like the best friend I could never find?” These are a few signs that you may need to fire your therapist.
Finding the right therapist is the most important step in your therapeutic journey. If you don’t have a therapist that you can trust, who challenges you or feels too much like a friend, subsequently, will likely not find the long-term growth you’re seeking.
Here are five guidelines to help you determine if it’s time to find a new therapist.
- Your therapist feels more like a good friend.
Has your progress in therapy stagnated? Sometimes we get so comfortable with people we stop talking about the areas we need to grow and instead spend the whole session distracted by the drama of the week or our favorite TV show. This isn’t always a bad thing. It’s essential to connect to your therapist. However, too much TV bonding can get in the way of exploring your depression or understanding how your anxiety is ruling your mind. Ask yourself, “am I paying for friendship or therapy?”
2. You don’t feel challenged.
“Therapy is awesome. I learned I’m right about everything, and everyone else needs to change.” But, honestly, you are not always right, and other people are not always the problem. If therapy feels easy or your therapist always agrees with you, it’s time to get a new perspective. We all have flaws, make mistakes, and need help seeing the world through different lenses. Furthermore, Therapy is about challenging the old patterns you’re stuck in. It isn’t supposed to be easy and agreeable.
3. Your therapist excessively talks about themselves.
Do you know as much about your therapist as a good friend? I’m willing to bet you sit in session thinking, “here they go with another story about their life?” Do you wonder if your therapist is actually listening to you? Getting to know your therapist can be helpful, however, hearing how they survived high school when you’re trying to process childhood trauma is unhelpful. The therapy hour is your space, not theirs.
4. You don’t feel safe enough to be honest in session.
Are you or have you ever lied to your therapist? Don’t worry, many of us have. Lying is a normal protective method. We lie when we don’t feel safe enough to be honest. First, try talking to your therapist about your fear of being honest with them. Something important is happening if honesty is difficult for you. Your therapist can help you navigate that. It’s time to find a new therapist if you’ve tried talking to them, but you’re still finding it hard to connect. Not every therapist is the perfect fit for you. If you can’t be honest in therapy, you won’t see results in changing unhealthy patterns.
5. Your therapist doesn’t listen to your feedback.
Having a therapist that can hear and discuss your feedback is vital to therapeutic growth. Consequently, It supports healing and relationship building. What’s the point of therapy if you’ve told your therapist, “I’m struggling with this mindfulness stuff,” and they ignored you? After all, therapy is about feeling seen, heard, and understood to live your life authentically. If mindfulness isn’t your cup of tea, that’s important feedback.
It’s never too late to find a new therapist
Hopefully, these guidelines help you navigate your relationship with your therapist. I recommend talking to your therapist about your concerns before firing them. You might find that they’re noticing the same things and want to support your needs. It’s also good practice for setting healthy boundaries with the people in your life.
Remember, therapy is your space. If you’re not getting what you need, then it’s time to find someone new.
Consequently, maybe it is time for you to engage with other therapists to see how you can truly benefit from therapy. Contact us today.